Monday, April 26, 2010
Hanging In
How often have I heard it said, "don't look to your circumstances, but look up to God". 2 Corinthians 4:18 says, "Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting." Amp. So, how does this work when health issues and pain keep continuing on a downhill trend? Looking up to God, implies that I expect God to intervene in ways that will bring about a miracle, a healing, a turn about in the situation. Right now, the situation indicates that the leukemia is continuing, the arthritis in the caretaker has been more painful but yet, we look up for His guidance. We struggle not to let the disease keep us looking for relief and focus more on the invisible. For me the invisible is the hope, that God will bring the relief and healing. In all of this there is mystery as to how God works. All I find I can do is to do what comes to my mind to do. Comfort care, asserting that God is still good, praising Him in spite of circumstances with pain and loss of energy. And, to my comfort, there arises from deep in my spirit songs, melodies and thoughts of scriptures to accompany me in this journey. I know this is the Holy Spirit being with me, even though I have no concrete evidence that much has changed. From time to time, hugs, offers of a lasagna, phone calls, e-mails, prayer assurances, and some visits provide extra boosts of spiritual and physical encouragement. As well, I have been sooo thankful for provisions of the hospital close by; doctors, nurses, medications etc.. So, is God going to heal and give Al a few more months or years? I don't know. But I know that because I can look to the things not seen, I have hope that He does all things well and He will never leave us nor forsake us, no matter how painful the journey or weather I see God's intervention or not. As Job says in chapter 13:15a ," Though He slay me, yet will I hope/trust in Him..." It is the most secure place to rest - our hope in Him to see us through, no matter what the outcome!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
He Holds the Future
Here Goes ladies!
When I was approached about joining the authors for Soulkitchensisters, I really was not sure that anyone would want to hear about the journey I am on these days. Who wants to hear about sickness, weakness, tiredness and lab reports on my ailing husband and myself? Or, read about all the questions and conversations we have with each other, the Lord and dancing girl has with herself? Al and I are on the ride of our lives and for our lives! We all will one day get to be our age (not yet that old-74 and 76) and face health, as well as life and death issues. Hence, I'll take the plunge and take some of you with me on this ride.
Some days, all we can do is to finally get dressed in the morning, huffing and puffing with every little task just to make it through the day. All the while we listen to each others complaints: "How was your night?" "Oh, you know, I had to get up every hour on the hours. That's why I am so tired and sleepy during the day". "I am so sorry, maybe if you take a Tylenol you'll get two hours of solid sleep tomorrow." "How did you tolerate that pudding?" "Well, my stomach burns, I feel so nauseated, I have to lay down!"
"Ok honey, did you have some ginger ale yet?" "How about a Lorazepam?" "No, it makes me too groggy!" "Boy, today I, (dancing girl,) could hardly get my breath." " I don't know why it feels like my legs will buckle under me just doing a little walking around the house, loading the dishwasher, or take a walk from our condominium apartment to the mail box on the main floor.?" We live on the second floor. Two days ago I had a thought. "Lord, show us what we should do?" "What more or what not should I do?" For Al, he thought he would stop the antibiotic (the last dose), since his stomach and nausea were really bad. This morning he felt somewhat better. For myself, I got the thought that perhaps my blood pressure
medications were too much. All 4 of the medications had a warning on the bottle, "can cause dizziness". Ok, I am going first thing in the morning to check this out with my doctor. Well, to make a long story short, one of the medications had to be cut in half as it slows the heart too much. This was a relief. All the time, I keep a running conversation with my Jesus. You know, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; listen God, you know you could just cure that aggressive leukemia of Al's and it would not be hard for you at all; oh great, Lord, now what is next?; the doctor says, medicine can no longer help him!" One sweet gal, Tracy, suggested we try the naturalist that has helped her. So, that appointment will come up in three week. Stay tuned. In the meantime, we look forward to a family reunion where we will celebrate all our 5 spring birthdays and Al would like to give a special blessing to each of our children, their spouses and grandchildren. We don't know how much longer God gives him life, but thought we should do a get to gather while he is still able to talk. Even if he has to lay in bed at the hotel. Another comfort is to know that while we don't know what our future holds, we know who hold the future. We are in God's loving hands. We have grabbed on to the Lord and His Word, because we would not want to do this journey without Him.
When I was approached about joining the authors for Soulkitchensisters, I really was not sure that anyone would want to hear about the journey I am on these days. Who wants to hear about sickness, weakness, tiredness and lab reports on my ailing husband and myself? Or, read about all the questions and conversations we have with each other, the Lord and dancing girl has with herself? Al and I are on the ride of our lives and for our lives! We all will one day get to be our age (not yet that old-74 and 76) and face health, as well as life and death issues. Hence, I'll take the plunge and take some of you with me on this ride.
Some days, all we can do is to finally get dressed in the morning, huffing and puffing with every little task just to make it through the day. All the while we listen to each others complaints: "How was your night?" "Oh, you know, I had to get up every hour on the hours. That's why I am so tired and sleepy during the day". "I am so sorry, maybe if you take a Tylenol you'll get two hours of solid sleep tomorrow." "How did you tolerate that pudding?" "Well, my stomach burns, I feel so nauseated, I have to lay down!"
"Ok honey, did you have some ginger ale yet?" "How about a Lorazepam?" "No, it makes me too groggy!" "Boy, today I, (dancing girl,) could hardly get my breath." " I don't know why it feels like my legs will buckle under me just doing a little walking around the house, loading the dishwasher, or take a walk from our condominium apartment to the mail box on the main floor.?" We live on the second floor. Two days ago I had a thought. "Lord, show us what we should do?" "What more or what not should I do?" For Al, he thought he would stop the antibiotic (the last dose), since his stomach and nausea were really bad. This morning he felt somewhat better. For myself, I got the thought that perhaps my blood pressure
medications were too much. All 4 of the medications had a warning on the bottle, "can cause dizziness". Ok, I am going first thing in the morning to check this out with my doctor. Well, to make a long story short, one of the medications had to be cut in half as it slows the heart too much. This was a relief. All the time, I keep a running conversation with my Jesus. You know, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; listen God, you know you could just cure that aggressive leukemia of Al's and it would not be hard for you at all; oh great, Lord, now what is next?; the doctor says, medicine can no longer help him!" One sweet gal, Tracy, suggested we try the naturalist that has helped her. So, that appointment will come up in three week. Stay tuned. In the meantime, we look forward to a family reunion where we will celebrate all our 5 spring birthdays and Al would like to give a special blessing to each of our children, their spouses and grandchildren. We don't know how much longer God gives him life, but thought we should do a get to gather while he is still able to talk. Even if he has to lay in bed at the hotel. Another comfort is to know that while we don't know what our future holds, we know who hold the future. We are in God's loving hands. We have grabbed on to the Lord and His Word, because we would not want to do this journey without Him.
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